You already know that premarriage counseling is one of the best investments you could ever make. However, just like any investment you might make, there’s always risks involved. Somewhat similar to the risks of traditional marriage counseling, please consider the risks when seeking premarital counseling as well.
Premarital counseling tends to be shorter than traditional marriage counseling, but it can still impact your bank account quite nicely. Many glorified counselors might request tremendous fees for their services, and you should make sure you do not invest too much in the wrong place. Premarital counseling should be mostly around individual work with your partners, and hand-holding is not required. Look for efficiency when seeking premarital counseling, not the most expensive therapist. Efficient premarital counseling is where the therapy is guided by the philosophy of proactively engaging in awareness-building and communication activities with your partner.
With that point in mind, premarital counseling can either make or break your upcoming marriage. You will encounter challenging questions and will learn about more aspects of your partner that are different from your own, and these will be challenging to your relationship. You must come mentally and emotionally prepared for them, and not live the illusion that everything is going to be sugarcoated. Only when you are fully prepared to tackle all the disagreements and differences will you be able to benefit from the vast resource of premarital counseling. [pullquote align=’left’]You Must Come Emotionally and Mentally Prepared for Premarital Counseling[/pullquote]
Generally, premarital counseling can be accomplished privately between a couple, given that their relationship is strong enough and based on trust and communication. All you have to do is ask each other important questions, and check the other posts in this blog. However, if you decide that you must seek a professional marriage counselor, please remember that marriage counseling a carefully crafted skill that is possessed by very few individuals. Some marriage counselors aren’t married. Others are divorced or remain unhappily married. It’s important to do your research on your marriage counselor before placing your marriage in their hands. Check their credentials and feel free to ask them questions before signing up for treatment.
Premarital counseling is also the best way to untangle secret grudges you might have for one another. Be prepared to argue, especially if you discover that your core beliefs and values, or your plan for raising children ends up being contradictory. You might think your marriage is all planned out in your mind, or that you might have an easy way into it, and that’s usually wrong. One thing counselors and therapists are good at is finding your buttons and knowing the right questions to ask that would push those buttons. Overall, this is a good process that leads up to prosperity in relationships, but only if you come prepared and equipped to handle it.
With these risks and precautions in mind, I urge you to conduct premarital counseling at least in your bedroom with your partner. These questions do not need a personal guide, they only need to be asked and honestly discussed. Even if you find out you can’t resolve it, it’ll be a good sign to seek professional help.